© Lisa Rose Lodeski, 2016
What others think about you is none of your business is the best advice I ever received and here’s why.
If you Google it, a bunch of names come up as the author of this statement. It seems like everybody wants to claim this one as theirs. It’s that good. A game changer. A bolt of empowerment.
Other ways to say it are:
What others think of me is none of my business.
What you think about me is none of my business.
Sounds harsh at first, doesn’t it? That’s because you may not be comprehending it’s true meaning. Sometimes when I lay that phrase on some ears, I get a quizzical look. The insecure think they’ve been insulted. Control freaks feel challenged, and I get that “how dare you” stance complete with hand-on-the-hip pose. Somehow in some brains, the words are perceived as identical to “…none of your business”. Oh that rolls off the tongue with no problem so often that it’s become the default for anything that sounds like it. But, this statement is different, it’s “…none of MY business”. Personal responsibility is present, not blame. No defense required. When I explain how and why I use this statement, thankfully, more lights go on than off and sparks fly around the person with whom I share this teaching followed by the words, “wow, that’s empowering”. Exactly!
Understanding the meaning and power of this statement changed my life. I’m so happy I figured this one out years ago. I know it will transform or change your life for the better when you understand it, believe it, and use it, too.
Let’s clear up any confusion first. Read this and let it soak in for a minute:
What you, he/she, they think about me is none of my business.
Does this mean that you shouldn’t care about other people? NO! Not at all.
It means that you should stop caring about what other people THINK of you. Is that the same thing? NO! Not even close. Is there anyone whose thoughts of you deserve your concern? NO!
There may be a few people in your life who you trust, who are very close to you (or maybe just trusted), whose opinions you respect. However, what they think of you is still none of your business. With one exception which I’ll talk about down the page.
The reason why “what others think about you is none of your business” is because YOU are here on the planet, in your current incarnation, to experience YOUR journey by creating a life that is driven by an AUTHENTIC YOU.
I believe our purpose, here on Earth, is to live truly to truly live. We can’t do that when we are concerned about what others might think of us. We can’t do that when we change our behavior, alter our priorities, create reactions and responses, or transform ourselves to please or suit the whims or ideas of others.
When you care about what others think of you, YOU GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY.
You effectively disempower yourself. Wondering, worrying or being concerned about what others think of you is the number one reason why people experience stress, anxiety, and fear. And that leads to dis-ease in many forms.
You are in alignment with your divine purpose, your soul purpose, your reason for Being, when you are operating on 100% of your own power. You can’t do that if you are giving it away.
Everyone on the planet needs you operating 100% on the POWER OF YOU!
…You are an experience that changes other people’s lives… – Julie Newmar, Facebook, 2016
I couldn’t have said it better myself! Julie Newmar was the original Catwoman character in the Batman TV show in the 1960’s for those of you who don’t recognize the name. The quote above is just one sentence from a post she had written on Facebook last year that I just loved called Who Are You?.
“WHO ARE YOU?
I am beauty. What are you?
My presentation, walk, voice, demeanor, how I treat people
is one of beauty. You could say, it is why I am here.
According to my mother and grandmother, the first word I said
as a baby was “boo … de … fuh” (beautiful), a three syllable word!!!
Everyone brings something desirable, wondrous, to this world.
Do you know what that is for you? Your reason for being,
what you stand and are admired for, why you are special?
What you chose to give this world?
Via the incidents and history that created you,
YOU are somebody
– much more than you’ve given yourself credit for.
You are an experience that changes other people’s lives.
So, the revelation in living your life should fill you
with courage to keep on perfecting your talents
and make what you possess, what you do, better and better.
Your goal – is the betterment of you
Therefore, LIVE your gift.
Facebook reveals us to ourselves,
it is a raw and insightful report card.
As Charles McDonald, a YouTube fan curtly wrote to me:
“Cream dream babe for all time!” I like it.” – Julie Newmar, Facebook, 2016.
No one in the Universe is just like you. No one has the combination of divine energy and power that you have! When you give your power away, by worrying about what others think of you, you cheat yourself, and us, of the full experience of the TRUE YOU. Instead, we get a little of you and a bunch of someone else’s expectations of you.
When we care about what others think of us, we create an inauthentic version of ourselves:
For the purpose of receiving approval;
That ends up being projected out into the Universe and reflected back at us;
To try to control what others think about us.
It’s like going through life with a bunch of masks in your bag and wearing the one that pleases the person in front of you so that they will THINK positively about you and approve of you.
Is this you? If so, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
Everything you THINK has energy. When you are concerned about what another person thinks of you, you send THAT energy out in to the Universe. The Universe receives it as an order from you, just like ordering a burger at a restaurant, and voila! You instantly begin to get more of whatever you were thinking. So, in the end, you receive MORE people and situations in your life that want you to worry about what they think of you.
Sometimes it’s you placing this trauma and drama on yourself. Sometimes it’s people around you who create this drama. Who are these people? What are they like? How can you identify them?
The people who want you to be concerned about what they think of you may seem like very nice people on the outside, but what you’ll likely feel at some point with them is a negative vibe or straight-up negative zap.
Maybe it will arrive as pressure on you to conform to their way of thinking or to do things their way. Maybe the negativity comes at you as a back-handed compliment, or a good laugh where you are the butt of the joke, again. Often this person is skillfully manipulative in ways that easily push your buttons, and that’s how they exercise control over you.
No, they don’t have to tie you up. They just have to tongue tie you up so you doubt yourself for a minute or concede rather than stand in your own power.
If and when you don’t conform, or you resist, they may make fun of you. Or they may take it a step further and talk about you negatively to other people to create a gang mentality solely for the purpose of getting you to care about what they think! Or they may punish you with the all-purpose passive-aggressive treatment of silence. Or that oh-so-hip relationship zinger, the block or un-friending on social media!
These folks may be family members, long-time friends, your kids, your spouse, members of your clubs or groups, your co-workers. The experience may be so subtle that you miss it or dismiss it! What does it sound like when you cave and give in because you are concerned about what another person thinks of you? “Ok, yes, I’ll volunteer for the school play for the kids this year”, when you have no time or interest, is an example. You do it for fear that someone will think you are a “bad mom”, or “selfish”, or “not a team player”.
See how it works?
Paying attention to your body and how those feelings of dread come up when you are in a situation where you start to cave and conform to someone else’s expectations of you is your first sign that you are concerned about what another person will think of you. That’s the danger zone! Here’s why.
You are making their business, your business. Their business is to manipulate and control you on some level, and you are placing your energy into their business helping it to grow. Put another way, you are watering someone else’s garden while yours dries up.
There is a way to break that pattern, empower yourself, and be relieved of the stress associated with it. All you need to do is change your perspective, and believe that:
What others think about me is none of my business.
The only person YOU need to be concerned about is YOU.
Again, this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about other people! It doesn’t mean that you are conceited, narcissistic, self-absorbed, or a bitch! It means that you aren’t going to allow what other think about you to disempower you. That’s it.
Let them think what they want! Give them that gift by letting go of trying to control their thoughts of you with a performance. You need all of your energy to take care of you and create a life you love.
Practically, worrying about what others think of you is exhausting. Mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically. It’s a time waster. It’s a drama-creator. But most importantly, it prevents you from living authentically.
The greatest fear in the world is the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom. – Osho
You are absolutely perfect as is, right now. You may have no idea how amazing you are! You may not be aware that your presence is effective. Somewhere, someone is so grateful to know you. I guarantee you that person has experienced the AUTHENTIC YOU.
Accepting this concept into your life creates big changes. Just altering your perception of yourself often will do the trick. But, sometimes, you may find yourself in a situation with someone who insists you’re this or that and wants you to care so deeply about what they think of you that you have to whip out your new statement like a mantra and say it out loud:
What You Think About Me Is None Of My Business
Sometimes these folks think about what you said, and it causes them more distress when they realize they’ve been short-changing themselves by trying so hard to get you to conform. And then they think about all the times they conformed. So much of our behavior is taught to us or absorbed by us from an early age, and it takes a lot of effort to catch yourself and break that chain.
Think about the people in your life, or an experience that you had where you caved and tried to please someone else. How did that feel? And think about a time when you stood in your power and didn’t care what another thought about you. How did that feel?
Trust your feelings. They act as intuitive signs and symbols.
Is there a time that you tried to make someone care about what you thought of them? If you examine that closely, I believe you’ll find that you wanted something from them. Maybe it was something specific or maybe it was just to take some of their power away to make yourself feel better.
There may be a few people in your life that you are close to, whose opinion of you matters.
What are these people like? They are people who have your back; love you; want the best for you; and give their opinion ONLY with the best thoughts of you in their heart. They may not agree with you, but you’d never know it because they have your interests first. Everybody else…none of your business, let ‘em go!
The next time you find yourself in mixed company, and in a situation where there are people in the room who just don’t like you; who may need to make themselves feel better by putting you down; or maybe they don’t say anything but you feel the negative dart flying through the air at you. Put your shield up with this mantra:
WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS
It works wonders. It creates a strong boundary and empowers you! Simply be present and project your radiance outward from 100% Divine You.