When this blog title dropped into my head during my morning meditation today, I laughed out-loud, so go ahead, laugh with me! I’d been pondering how to turn crap into light for a few days now after unexpectedly receiving a bunch of crap from someone I thought I had a good relationship with, but, turns out, it was disingenuous, a fake. And I had no idea. Drats! I was always welcomed with a big smile by this person, so who knew?! The negative vibe behind the smile was a clue that I ignored because I’m generous and gave a huge benefit of the doubt. When I posed The Question this week, the cork popped and I got sprayed! I’m not into soap operas or gossip, so, sorry, those juicy parts aren’t here, but I believe I’ve got something better for you.
I spent time meditating today to clear my head and see the best way for me to move past this Episode. I asked my spirit guides for a little help. “How To Turn Crap Into Light” dropped into my third-eye. I laughed, said thanks, lit a big stick of sage incense I bought in Yellowstone last summer, and headed out to my garden where I’m sitting now to download my thoughts on How To Turn Crap Into Light. Here’s what I’ve got for ya, so far.
1. Crap happens for a reason. There is a lesson to learn from the experience, and it’s only when you’re ready to learn the lesson that the heavens open up so shit can hit the fan. It’s not about you. It’s for you. A gift of sorts.
2. Understand that what’s being hurled at you isn’t about you. It’s about them and their perceptions. And vice-versa. Weed out the obscenities to make room for a list of adjectives and critical highlights. Move into neutral (it may take a few days and that’s ok!) to ponder. Ask yourself if any of the items on the list rings true now. Now is the key because…
3. Anything dug-up and spat out at you from 40, 30, 20, 10, 5 years ago is simply ridiculous. Ignore it, fuh-getta-bout-it! That’s the hallmark of an unforgiving grudge-holder who needs to feed a self-created negative vibe. If you aren’t given the respect of a conversation or inquiry to clarify an exchange in real time, or soon thereafter, but rather expected to take a taste of something way past it’s expiration date, it’s pretty clear you’re being asked to eat some garbage. That’s a drag. For some, the drag is a comfort zone. Don’t get dragged in! If it’s dated to last week; different story.
4. I don’t believe in blanket apologies for things you can’t recall saying, or doing; or if the person misunderstood a situation, comment; or made it up. However, if the relationship feels genuine, asking “Why didn’t we have this conversation in 1996 so it could be handled right then and there?” is fair. Saying something like “Hey, if I hurt you or (fill in the blank), I don’t recall it, it wasn’t intentional, and I wasn’t aware you felt that way. I’m sorry you didn’t tell me sooner.” Fakers won’t let go of their garbage. They hang on tight, demand you give them something (like an apology on demand), but won’t extend a hand to accept it because they don’t want to let go of their garbage that they also won’t admit they’re carrying. I know, incredible! This is why at weddings the minister says “If anyone has a problem with this coupling, speak now or forever hold your peace”. Seriously good advice, dude.
5. If some of the stuff sprayed at you feels like yeah, it might be true, then come-on, you’ve got some work to do on yourself. Opportunities for self-reflection are a gift. That’s why crap is a gift! As soon as you get over the initial shock wave and are done bouncing off the walls, hit your own Pause button. You’ve been called to Awaken. If, however, you are in self-denial with your fingers in your ears singing It Isn’t True, you’ve already got another fan twirling for a repeat performance in the near future. This is why it’s critical to self-reflect and make a change. And the change is in You.
6. Everyone has a right to experience, learn, change, and re-invent or re-create themselves without having to apologize for their personal journey and history.
7. Take a good look at the person in this situation and decide if this is someone who supports you and your life or really doesn’t. Do they encourage you to go for your dreams and clap when something wonderful happens to you? Or is this person someone who doesn’t return your calls, and when you finally catch up to their too-busy-for-you-now selves, they end the conversation without having asked how you’re doing? Your gift of crap may really be your wake-up call to weed out your non-supporters in order to change the vibe around you. Good things are coming to you; but nobody wants to walk through crap to get to you, not even the Universe. So you’ll have to clear it out by clearing them out and yourself, too.
8. Is this relationship genuine with a bump in the road; or, have you been unknowingly participating in a beautifully fabricated but disingenuous relationship, a fake? The fake is the one that’s going to hurt more because you’ll feel like a fool having participated for so long not knowing that your counterpart in this Episode didn’t hold you deep enough in their heart to care about being honest with you. That sucks. It may even cause you to walk into walls for weeks, secretly desire to slash their tires, or send out a bunch of pre-emptive strikes within your inner circles. Don’t do it. Bad karma, and wow, That comes back to hit you up fast. Really, darlings, listen to me. Better late than later or never. The bump in the road can be smoothed over with dual effort and time. The fake relationship needs a funeral. Recall the good times, the bad times, be grateful for the realization, and Let It Go. Over. Buy yourself flowers. Celebrate. You turned crap into Light!
9. Practical steps may need to be taken to move past The Episode. You may need to remove this person from your social media, your contact list, and stop responding to any messages for awhile or forever. Maybe you need to finish that divorce you started years ago to finally dig that thorn out of your side. Or return that item you borrowed. Or break your habit of inviting this cat or kitten to your next gathering because that’s what you always did. Keep the story close; it’s personal. Resist clicking your bitch story as a post all over the feeds. Nobody wants you laying your crap at their door. (This is not the same as having a heart-to-heart with a bestie; that’s a sacred moment). Simply understand that people come into your life for a reason and a season, and that’s ok. Just because someone isn’t in your life forever doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a good relationship and worthy of your time at some point or for some reason. Move toward your tribe and surround yourself with people who value you for you.
10. Wish them well. Yes, wish them well! It was long past due. They did ya a favor, and the Universe delivered it to you when the moment was divinely right for you to learn the lessons displayed.
11. Forgive. Belly up, baby! Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did was ok; it simply means that you are no longer going to allow yourself to be effected by it. I love this line that I read somewhere: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison in the hope that you’re enemy will die”. There’s 3 levels of forgiveness. One, you forgive them for yourself and move on. Two, you forgive and have some contact on some level of your choice and maybe grow it all back to where it was before over time. Three, forgive and forget like it never happened. Maybe the Dalai Lama can do that on a good day, but the rest of us….eh, probably not. Somewhere on the back burner of your mind sits that pot of crap. But, it’s something to aspire to. The first level is absolutely necessary and required for your spirit to be at peace, your energy field to be unblocked, and for you to have the ability to remain in Divine flow. Forgiveness Rocks.
The next time the shit hits the fan for you in a relationship, find my list right quick so you can figure out How To Turn Crap Into Light and feel…Light!
P.S. (And, no worries friends; I still got Sugar in the house ;-))