© Lisa Rose Lodeski, Closing Ceremony, 2017.
One of my long-time friends recently dumped me after 44-years of friendship. It was a surprise dump. I didn’t realize there was an issue until I recognized we weren’t connected anymore on social media. I don’t do passive-aggressive. If I’ve got an issue, I reach out to talk about it, come to an understanding, and move on without a grudge. So, I reached out hoping to understand what was going on with one of my besties.
My efforts were met with a few accusations. The kind laid on ya without specific examples, a refusal to converse, and a dose of self-righteousness. Not a judgment, btw, simply an observation. It’s an M.O. It was a WTF moment for me when the accusations didn’t match reality and my suggestion to just pick-up the phone and talk was rejected. The picture in my head at that point was of someone singing loudly with fingers in their ears. Clearly, a sign.
I lost a night or two of sleep trying to rationalize the irrational. I asked my spirit guides for a little help. I didn’t get a direct answer to my question of WTF? What I got instead was the sensation, a vibration, that the friendship had changed long ago and that fact was lost on me. My guides said “You bring out the worst in her by being yourself. This is someone who is not happy and blames others for how she feels rather than curate her own contentment. Your “friendship”, the one you think you have, is your grand illusion. You’ve been bad-mouthed quite a lot behind the scenes.” Yes, I record conversations I have with my spirit guides. I trust my guides. I felt sad and disappointed, until I accepted this wasn’t being done TO ME by my friend, it was being done FOR ME.
Sometimes you just have to hear it from the Divine to stop wondering and face the change.
I like closure. So, I thought about a way to transform this experience into a positive one. I decided to have a closing ceremony for the friendship. And share the experience to inspire others who may be in the midst of something similar. I thought about having a funeral for the friendship, but that’s so final. I like the idea of closing because closed doors can be re-opened. I’m also an eternal optimist!
I created a closing ceremony that honored my friend and our friendship. There is a lot to love. I don’t recall us having a serious disagreement that wasn’t civil and respectful. We had years, decades, of fun, laughter and really great times together. My friend likes to help people in need. I remember way back in 1972 or ’73 she went with her church to parts of Pennsylvania where the river had flooded homes and people lost everything just to help them clean-up. She’s a good mother and a generous grandmother. She’s unaware of how beautiful, sensual, and sexy she is. I recall one afternoon in the 1980’s when she was going to a baby shower and she tried on a hat and looked in the mirror and asked me if it was better with or without the hat. Both choices were drop-dead gorgeous. Usually, she likes to talk, and she can keep a secret. I could go on, and that’s the kind of stuff I’ll choose to remember going forward.
This video is the final part of my closing ceremony for a friendship that included all the handwritten letters my friend had sent to me over the years spread out under a crystal grid created to release any negative energy, beeswax candles to call in The Light, rose petals to honor the life of the friendship and all the great times we had, a good smoking with white sage, and Japanese temple incense, to help release my disappointment and sadness by wishing my friend well before letting go and moving forward in a positive way. I rang my Tibetan singing bell once for each year of our friendship before closing the ceremony. This is how I did it, but there are so many ways to mark closure. I’m sure you will think of something that works for you, too.
Thank you so much for sharing your closing ceremony. How lovely! I was and still feel affected by your Distant Reiki session last night. I am still processing.. I will definitely work on a closing ceremony to help. I can’t thank you enough Lisa for just being You and for all of your priceless guidance! xo Jo
Create a closing ceremony that feels right for you! I created this one with all the elements I wanted and needed to release and purify the energy that was in the air so-to-speak. Thanks for reading and signing up for the distant reiki session! Wishing you love and light!
Lisa, I SO love this sharing! I feel your heart and see the wisdom. This resonates with me–I had a very similar out of the blue experience with my best friend of many years. This helps me to put some of the missing pieces together and to let go even more. I’ve been feeling sad, and wen you said:” this wasn’t being done TO ME by my friend, it was being done FOR ME.” I suddenly got it. Thank you. I am inspired to do a ritual to help release my disappointment and sadness and honor the change in our relationships. Remembering the best, the decades of loving and flow, the multiple blessings that we both brought into each other’s lives.
Beautiful, Gina! Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience and honoring the friendship. Inspiring!
You’re welcome, Marlu!
Thank you for sharing this lovely ceremony. I am in need of a closing ceremony for the loss of a friendship and I love that the letters were included. I have a huge collection of letters too. What did you do with the letters after the ceremony was over????
You’re welcome, Gwendelara. I’m sorry for the loss of your friendship. Having a closing ceremony helps to move on. I chose to return the letters to my former friend because they included loving, beautiful descriptions of her children, her life abroad, her feelings and dreams. However, I would not make that choice again because I learned later that my former friend didn’t appreciate the gesture and simply threw the package of letters into the trash. Knowing that was illuminating. Now, I include an outdoor fire in my closing ceremonies (which are few and far between) and burn all letters or journals that contain connections to the person I’m no longer accepting as a friend. I suggest you do whatever feels right for you, and don’t look back.